Hey glorious,

Neurodivergent women have variable wellness.  They are frequently cheerful and full of energy and enthusiasm.   They also often have chronic conditions (mental and/or physical) which they endure with determination, and persist in showing up with grace and grit.

They are especially subject to oppressive social conditioning to present as well, and very well, and constantly well.  Toxic positivity and the expected pursuit of hyper wellness can contribute to shame and guilt around being less than fit and healthy and highly motivated.

This external pressure towards high energy undermines the value and gifts of the low energy, low bandwidth, low wellness periods which are an inevitable feature of all human lives,  Rendering them invisible and undesirable.

I was back at my school library job this week where my boss asked how I was feeling. I had realised that I felt well enough to do the things I enjoy, but not well enough to do the things that are unenjoyable and a big effort.  To which he replied “sounds like the perfect level of wellness”

For those of us who tend toward over efforting and trying really hard at everything, doing the hard things that no one else can or will do first and best, it can be quite a mental shift to feel into what we like to do, and can do easily and willingly.

We tend not to notice the difference until we are lower energy.  

The trap to avoid is berating ourselves for not being able to do what we usually do.  

Be kind when we notice that is happening.  

Redirect attention towards

• What you can do

• What you will do

• What you enjoy

• What energises you

• What feels like a reasonable risk

• Who you want to be around

Watch for trying new things – the world is so full of genuine wellness offerings, and we are so vulnerable when we feel low.

(I have signed up for two free webinars this week, including one right now in the middle of writing here… from two fabulous sources, but quite possibly both are distractions for me at the moment)

I would suggest that sometimes, when we are not well, feeling carefully for what we already know how to do, but don’t usually have the need to reach for might be just what is needed.

Especially gentle creative and expressive activities.

Drawing, doodling, colouring.  Not even writing.

Lying on the floor/ground (in the sun?) breathing, lengthening, softening, feeling into the mobility we have.   Not even yoga or dance.

Gazing vacantly out the window, at the clouds (coulds), at a tree or a building.  Not even meditating or reading.

The simplest, simplest, simply satisfying activities are enough and more than enough.

We are so capable, so caring, so conditioned to actively looking after others and ourselves that doing less, doing the brainless minimum can feel beyond our reach.

And when we are low, unwell, is when the invitation is there.

And paradoxically, like the Dalai Lama says, “this is why we practice”

When we are well and strong, is the time to take a few art classes, breathing sessions, relaxing in the sun doing nothing sessions, consent learning, so that when we are ill, and we need the ability shift gears,  go slowly, do less, say no, we have some foundational structures and practices to get us started, rather than feeling completely lost.

The perfect amount of wellness is exactly what you have now.

What could you easily do next?