Getting cozy with jealousy!

I was inspired by couch lying French accented Ennui from Inside Out 2 when I wrote that title.   Acting bored and unimpressed, but secretly needing to be spoken to in a whole other language to come alive…

Neurodivergent women are very focused on and committed to their own path.  Like water (and Life, to quote Jurassic Park), always finding a way.

Their sensitivity and empathy also makes them particularly susceptible to being distracted by the energy of the success of people around and close to them.

And there is a huge amount of high viz pop cultural social pressure constantly showing us what success should look like.

All of which can undermine our connection to the way of being and moving through the world that at heart we know is the true way for us.

What I suggest is actively seeking and creating low drama spaces and relationships where you are supported to reconnect directly with what *you* really need right now, on your terms.

In the knowledge that this is a deep discipline that we all need to learn (including observing and practicing) from other people, especially other women, like ourselves.

This last week I was distracted by the success of two amazing, powerful women on the fringe of my world.  Women I had trained with, whose post training trajectories have been very different from my own.

I probably would have ignored the feelings that came up around this if it had been only one, but when that success was in my face again, it provoked such a strong reaction that I realised I needed to acknowledge it and get curious about what it wanted me to know, to remember.

So I was on the couch basically feeling sorry for myself.   Urgh.   But I’d been there before.  LOL.

The superficial envy I was able to deal with rationally.

I looked at where they are and what they have and thought about what it was that I truly desired from that picture.

In this case, respect and recognition for their work, rather than the specifics of how that looks.

Then I reflected on where I have already received that from others, and also remembered to offer it to myself, by confirming my commitment to my own path.

This set me free from wanting my life to look a certain way influenced by the image of success received from others.

It presented as a stony blank-faced mask.   What?????   Nothing to see here.   Back off!  Move along.

(I want to credit my wonderful dance teacher Holly Wodetzki for turning my attention to discovering my expression of jealousy, through participation in the Sensual Embodied Dance modality)

I was fortunate enough to feel sufficiently resourced to enquire further into the experience.  

(Enriched by a couple of weeks pleasing myself on holidays at home, including some very enjoyable days out in soul nourishing environments.)    

So I lay down on the couch under a blanket and hugged a cushion to get intimate with jealousy.

(Thank you Luis Mojica for the cushion hugging tip)

The feeling impression I had of those successful women was of effortless serene calm and spaciousness amongst the chaos of the world.  It was my desire for that which triggered jealousy.

Why couldn’t I have that too?  Why didn’t i have that?  I should have that!  

The jealous part said “ there ain’t room for the two of us – you need internal conflict, fear and doubt to stay sharp and motivated.”

Urgh!  I tossed and turned.  Really?  Was that true?  Did it have to be that way?

A small, sad, scared, hurt, angry, wise part of me said “yes, it’s true, you do need those awkward uncomfortable feelings.  And it’s also true that you should have access to as much serenity and spaciousness as you want and need.   And that feels scary because we don’t want to be left behind and forgotten.   We’re afraid that without us, you won’t be able to find your way in the real world.”

So I was jealously protecting my doubt, fear and anger to keep me safe in the real world.  

Ok.    Pause.   Breathe.

So what if i was simply in relationship with my doubt, fear and anger, rather than jealously isolating them?

That sounded healthier.  I’d actually have clearer communication with them then and they could do their job better.

So I asked what do they need?   Because I believe that’s what friends do, when they’re able.

This took a while to figure out, because I was aware of what I did and did not have capacity for at the time.

But eventually I realised they – my fear and doubt and anger – needed me to do almost nothing at all.  

They desired me to simply rest and hear kind words.

At which point I remembered the wonderful wisdom available to me inside LOVE MOVES US, where my friend Yolanda Sokiri offers a Soul Speak lesson of richly toned and poetically meaningful words which speak directly to the listener’s soul, easing fear and doubt and loneliness.

And it’s bookmarked so I could go directly there.

So I lay back and listened again, from an open and receptive heartspace.

Then I felt better, more together, more whole, more strong and honest in my complexity.  I didn’t need to do anything more in that moment.    

I gave myself permission to feel jealous and to be curious about what that feeling was trying to communicate.

Which was a desire for me to be spoken to kindly, even and especially when I am feeling confused and scared and angry.

It’s not rocket science right?

Simple, not always easy.

All that to say that it is totally possible to find your way through to what you really need to get you moving again on your path.

Mine now includes at least one track of dance each day.   Which I KNOW is beneficial for me, and yet I can so easily fall out of that habit.

And remembering to think and seek out kind words from others when I’m feeling uncertain –  a whole other language.

I don’t know where you’re at, but if you feel the desire for access to more kind words to help you through complicated moments, and also encouragement to remember how to move and dance because it’s good for you on many levels, I invite you to check out LOVE MOVES US.

You don’t have to take all 90 minutes at once, or in order.  You can choose your own adventure.

Maybe you need some kind words of inspiration and encouragement.   Jump to Soul Speak.

Maybe you want some virtual company while you dance like no one’s watching for a couple of tracks.   Choose Free Dance

Maybe you’re feeling stiff and tight in your hips and would like some gentle movement to free that up without committing to an entire yoga class.  Go directly to Hips (or start with Warm up and flow on into hips)

LOVE MOVES US is available for you to cherry pick what you need when you need it.

If you’re tempted to dive into the full adventure, but can’t quite commit to going alone, I invite you to join me live online in a secret full moon watch (and dance) party on 17 / 18 October.

Learn more about LOVE MOVES US here.

Two more things:

If success is a bit of a trigger/glimmer for you, I have a series of guided success enquiry audios coming out in early November.   Let me know if there’s anything particular you’d like support with there.

Finally, I have single 75 minute 1:1 Self Belief coaching sessions available now. Please reach out for more details if you’re interested.