Neurodivergent women are shapeshifters. They move effortlessly through different interests, thoughts, emotions depending on context. They have rapidly shifting energy levels. Quick silver. Responsive. They readily abandon one idea to follow another and then return with more information.
They are subject to relentless subtle conditioning to be recognisable, consistent – no gaps in the resume. To perfect external expression. To demonstrate linearity and accountability via recognisable evidence. They are expected to pass from hand to hand, never alone. To be always on stage, performing, visible within a particular surveillance range. They are rarely supported to account for themselves.
This undermines our sense of personal continuity, as we slip between external and internal worlds. Internal and external accountability. Personal and professional. Showing up for others differently than we show up for ourselves.
I suggest reaching for a more non-binary perspective, a wider view, that embraces the spectrum, integrity, wholeness. All the things. Including this and that. Up and down. Inside and outside.
The inhale and the exhale together comprise a cycle of breath, respiration. The whole cycle is essential.
The finding of words to embrace a number of related entities into a single group concept is a language process.
For example, etymyonline.com tells me that
“Greek had words for “good weather” (aithria, eudia) and words for “storm” and “winter,” but no generic word for “weather” until kairos (literally “time”) began to be used as such in Byzantine times.”
English still lacks a word that truly indicates a whole cycle of day and night. The word day tends to indicate the light part of the day, rather than the whole of it. Date might be more inclusive.
Lacking a word to point with, we don’t habitually mentally group the dark and the light together. Which makes it difficult to perceive that particular wholeness.
Similarly, there is not really a word (yet) which points to all of our many layered complexities of character.
Lol, except character!, in its richest sense.
And now I suddenly understand why the most absorbing novels turn on complex, believable characters, not artificially imposed plotlines.
So a plot twist is useful for describing something that happens from outside – an external influence.
Character growth may be less dramatic, but emerges from inside. In response to both plot and location.
Just this morning, I was thinking about Vikram Seth’s epic novel “A suitable boy”. Was it the longest book published at the time or something? I read it last century (!), following the whole adventure to get to the end (to say I’d read it right?) and remember feeling so disappointed by the very sensible choice of the protagonist. Really, 1400 pages for that outcome? Really???!!!!
I can see now that I loved the drama of dangerous romance, and was disappointed by choosing a quieter life.
Now that I’m old enough to know better? Different? I can see that there is more to life than being pushed around by external plotlines. And that there are lots of times when the sensible conservative option is the smart one.
Character development, slow and steady, over many twists and turns, enables the possibility of transcending plot twists enough to be less thrown by them – to learn to see them coming and going, and holding myself calmly and kindly through it all, emerging older, wiser and a little lighter.
A non binary perspective enables the fullness of character development and appreciation – both predictable and non-predictable.
Coming from that place, life could be about more than the melodrama – unless that’s useful – also embracing complexity and nuance. Not only about being the predictable plot driven heroine, but with room to become an intriguing character who drives the plot twists when they can and it suits them. Choosing your own adventure.
How does that sound?
So, two invitations
> inside “When a woman dreams”, a beautiful SHORT (far less than 1400 words 🙂 ) artist inspired and illustrated fable for those feeling pressured by fascinating but fickle external plotlines, you can get a taste of how it might feel to choose contentment.
> if you are a woman who has at some time in your life prioritised child care over financial independence, I invite you to risk an Invisible Woman Project interview, to reflect on how that particular role has enriched your life and rounded your character.
Feedback from women who’ve participated already includes
“what an inspiring conversation”
“thank you for the time and asking awesome questions and making it safe to share and join dots”
It’s not for everybody. But if you are curious about gentle one to one attention enabling reflective reframing of a culturally fraught life choice, I’m ready to meet you where you’re at and guide you through an enlightening objective enquiry.
