Box jumps were an option in a gym session this week.

These days I usually don’t even consider it.

I know my level, and do step ups instead.

But I remembered that the very first week I joined, nearly the first session

Box jumps were also part of the program

And i gave it a pretty good shot, did maybe half a dozen.

I thought i’d see where I was at with box jumps these days.

I nearly fell backwards off the box!

Box jumps are no longer where I’m at.

What i recognised was that in those early sessions I was still trying hard to prove I belonged in the space.    The fear of not making the cut (what cut???) pushed me to my absolute limit.

Now that I’ve been there for a couple of months and made some kind of peace with where I’m really at, I am more interested in working within my limits and having a sustainable gym habit – avoiding unnecessary physical injury – i can deal with dented pride!!!

When i was pushing hard to do those box jumps in the early session

Trainer suggested that was great but i could do step ups

I accepted the step down gratefully.

This week, working at this slower pace

I am typically choosing exercises in the lower range

And doing what I can with the best form i can manage

Also as it turns out, leaving room for improvement.

And i am able to accept constructive criticism, feedback

With genuine gratitude – stepping up my performance.

for example:   Flat feed in back squats

Be very conscious of pushing knees outward

He has told me that before

But with the flat feet thing, it makes extra sense

And i have the bandwidth to pay more attention to that.

Squats are my nemesis.

Showing up all the weak chain links in my body.

Urgh.

And I am in for the long haul

At this stage of my life,

Gains that might have taken six weeks when i was much younger,

Might now take six months or more.

Slow and steady and keep showing up.

I was grateful for a shoulder form correction in another exercise.

I want to do the movements well, and within my capacity

So my capacity will grow with good form.

I am aware that at other times and places in my life

I have not been so open to feedback

I see now this is because I was already at or beyond capacity in that moment.

The only message i could possibly hear was do less.

And pride – fear of failure??? – would likely not let me hear that

So i have definitely been nearly uncoachable until now.

Because coming from fear of failure.

Any criticism, correction, seemed to confirm my incompetence.

Now I am in an environment where I am clearly the least competent person in the room

And still within the parameters of acceptability.

So i can be coached.

Because I am showing up an working within my capacity.

Which will definitely build.

So makes sense to build with good form where possible.

I asked chatGPT (on default personality mode!) what was the point of this reflection.

I really liked the answer:

You’ve moved from fear-driven performance
to capacity-based growth

—so feedback now lands as support, not threat, and

slow, well-formed progress has become both possible and sustainable.

That feels like a significant shift to me.

That I’m looking to implement across as many spheres of my life as possible.

I’m in my post performance era.

Want to join me??

Inside Beyond the to do list, the process includes identifying a core fear driver.    Freedom follows.

We also feel for what’s calling you forward, inviting softness and openness to support and direction.