I recall a joke (un PC) from the long ago days of the Sony Walkman, about an average blonde walking down the street wearing headphones.

Then for some reason – probably because she was ignoring a man who wanted her attention – she lost the headphones

– and fell down dead.

The person who took the headphones put them on and listened –

“Breathe in …  breathe out … Breathe in …  breathe out …” on repeat.

In the 80’s/90’s this was funny.   I laughed.

Who’s so stupid they need to be endlessly reminded to breathe???????

LOL

Now I think that’s funny.

Who doesn’t?

So this week I have taken a deep dive into breathing, and learned a lot.

In the way of learning that hurts.   Ouch.

Not because the teachers are hard – they are the opposite – but because the lessons are deep and confronting.

First up, I spent half a day becoming a PADI Certified Mermaid with Elle Power of The Mermaid Connection.

I came to mermaiding via the idea of freediving, and that because it’s about the breath hold.

I felt the need to lean into intentionally not breathing because so often i find myself unconsciously holding my breath.

So let’s go there and find out what happens.

Urgh.

Mermaiding looks glorious in pictures – that long swishy colourful tail!!!.

And it is not easy.    Like other ultra femme activities – ballet comes to mind – the physical and mental discipline required to excel is intense.

Fortunately I was not going for excellence – but even doing my best as a beginner brought me right up against a heap of limiting beliefs, not least around managing the physical discomfort of delaying the urge to breathe!!!   

I also became aware of strong resistance and distrust around relaxing into doing nothing, and being seen playing, for fear of being awkward and doing it wrong.

Urgh.   That old chestnut…..

I was tearful more than once, and abrupt towards the end of the day.   I was so done by the end!

Pushing limits is rarely pretty.

Elle was great, she took it all that in her stride, shifting effortlessly between instructing, encouraging, nudging and sharing wisdom from her lived experience of being a busy single mum.

How hard is it for women to simply slow down, rest and play???

There is a lot of conditioning there to subvert.

I came away with a deep appreciation of the joy of breathing.  Simply being able to breathe freely.

I went home afterwards and took a well deserved nap – everything optional in the calendar got nixed…

I briefly considered skipping the gym, but decided to show up, even though I was tired.

And it was at the gym that i was truly appreciating breathing fully and freely, as needed to meet exertion.

Nothing like going without air to appreciate the ability to take in as much as I need, when I need it.

The next day, having decided I definitely love breathing, but still feeling tender, I had another half day course exploring the three diaphragms that facilitate breathing with my friend and Feldenkrais practitioner Liz Page.

Nerding out with the anatomy and functionality of soft palate, thoracic diaphragm and pelvic floor and seeing how they work together to create smooth deep breathing.

But then feeling for them and trying to coordinate their movement and it’s pretty murky.

Urgh.  I hate not being instantly good at things…..

It’s hard to and humbling to want to breathe well, to see how it could work, to have the equipment, and then not to feel it happening the way the theory says it should.

And to be content to discover that that’s where I’m at for now.

Urgh.

Hate that!

Awareness is the beginning of growth and is therefore often not where we want to be.

Urgh.

Urgh

Urgh.

So a few days later I’m back at the gym (lucky I’ve got that for a measuring stick right?) and remembering all of this learning and desiring, and also the yoga prompt to let the breath be the source of the movement.

Also keeping in mind that it is because I actively create a void inside my body that air flows in pushed by atmospheric pressure, and because I compress that space that it flows out again – breathing is truly a full body movement, in active engagement with the physical properties of the world around me.

I think about how I can use the shifting space inside me to stabilise a dynamic twisting side plank exercise.   

Wild.

That actually worked.

And then I also notice how ragged and disorganised my breathing gets when I’m not paying attention…

Urgh.

There’s always more, goddammit.

Finally (almost) I’m lying in bed awake, feeling again how I struggle to breathe with good form.   

And staying with it, and staying with it, and staying curious, and allowing it to be awkward, uncomfortable, unfamiliar.

Coz I’m going to keep breathing right, no matter how badly I’m doing it….

Eventually, I feel my body settle into a coordinated breathing pattern.    Full body engagement.

Amazing!!!!

And then I get up and go for a beach walk and discover that I’ll have to learn it all again upright and moving.

Urgh

But feeling encouraged because I found my way there once, I’m sure I can do it again.

Breathing all day everyday.

Eventually I even stop thinking about breathing and just get on with the other essential things that need doing.

Here I’ve explored two extremes of intentional extended breath holding and effortless, fully coordinated breathing.

Holding them both, and myself, in this moment, I can be ok to breathe averagely most of the time, and get on with audaciously enjoying the things that average breathing enables.

It does turn out though that breath and breathing patterns are an accessible bridge between body and mind, and also to feel the limits of one or the other.

It’s the simplest things.

Which brings us back to that OG un-PC blonde joke.

Back then I laughed at the idea that someone could forget to breathe.
Now I laugh because… i know how much I need reminding, and I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in that.

This whole week has been one long return to the obvious:
remember to breathe.
Not perfectly. Not gracefully. Just… enough.

Because whether I’m holding my breath underwater in a sparkly tail, wrestling with the three diaphragms, or lying awake feeling everything misfire before it finally settles—the pattern is the same.

I go to the edge.
I meet the discomfort, the awkwardness, the limits.
And then I return to a familiar rhythm… with a new appreciation for it.

Breath in. Breath out.
Leave. Return.
Stretch. Settle.
Explore. Integrate.

It’s astonishing how ordinary that cycle is—and how transformative.

This is also the rhythm I hold in my coaching program Beyond the to do list. 

A place where you can explore your edges without force, feel your limits without shame, and then come back to yourself with a clearer sense of what’s possible. We go out, and we return—each time with a deeper, kinder perspective.

If all you needed today was the reminder that even a blonde moment holds wisdom, take that with you.

If you feel the pull to explore your next edge with support, you know where to find me.

Either way…
Remember to breathe with it.
When you can, how you can.
It’s enough.
You’re enough.