This week i went back to yoga for the first time in years, maybe ten years since I did a class with my training teacher Tammy Williams of Yoga NRG.

I am supporting my gym and ballet training with conscious active recovery, rather than going home and collapsing.   Ie, transitioning with grace.

A Saturday morning yoga class by the beach sounded perfect.   Although I did toss up the length of the drive etc etc.   And still decided to commit, especially after my toe dip last week when I was recognised by one of the women there from twelve years ago!    She said to me “you taught me <I am enough>”.   

So after all that, turns out the class is indoors because the weather forecast is for wet.   Not what I was hoping for.  And then i’m running late because i went to the beach before being redirected to the studio.  When i finally arrive, Tammy has laid out a mat for me.   

A welcome mat….

The class turns out differently to what I expected.   There’s a curated soundtrack.   And we are adding the expression and sensuality of dance to some of the asanas.   Also, it’s power yoga based, so there is strength and mobility required in the vinyasa (rusty as!!!).     And finally, there is the regular reminder to do less, make it a whole yin session if that’s what your body needs.

Here is expressive dance.    Here is strength and mobility of gym and calisthenics.   Here is kindness of Feldenkrais.   Here is stability of Pilates.   Here is discipline of ballet.    Here is presence of embodiment, mindfulness.   

I find myself in wonder, awe, that right here are ALL THE THINGS I’ve been exploring for myself in the last decade.  Were they here all the time????? 

It doesn’t even matter.   They are here now, and I recognise them, embrace and allow their intimate familiarity to energise me.   

I move through the sequence, sometimes gracefully, sometimes awkwardly, with a huge grin on my face.

Lying in savasana, there are tears running down my cheeks.   Raw emotion, distilled and released.  There’s more here than I can easily name.   Chains of personal association and validation that run deep.  All the things.   Here now.   It’s a lot.  

At the end of class, Tammy hugs me and asks what I’ve been up to.   LOL in ten years, or this week?

Living life, doing the things.   Same old, getting older.

I try to express something of what i’ve been feeling in the class, but am basically reduced to wordless tears.  Now I’m properly overwhelmed.    She smiles and lets me be.

I pull myself together, wipe down the mat and pack it away.

I’ll be back next week.   Hopefully a little more regulated…..  Trusting that this is not the first yoga catharsis she’s seen…

Sometime in the next few days I am thinking about “yoga”   “yoke”  “union”.

Oh holy shit.   All the things.   Integrated, here now.      Yoga.   Yoke.   Union.

A moment of enlightenment, at the end of years of focused (moving) meditation.

I didn’t even know I needed that.

This week at the gym I got tangled up with a stretchy band and hanging rings.  

Somehow I finished up with a ripping pain in my right side.

I recognised it as fascial pain – sharp (crystalline), intense, localised, superficial.

No serious damage done, and extremely uncomfortable.

As the evening wore on, I could feel the pain triggering my nervous system, constricting and contracting my body.

I couldn’t sleep.

I decided there was no point suffering needlessly.

Looked in the medicine cabinet and the first box was Voltaren, passed on from my mother.

Swallowed two of them and went to sleep.

I was expecting the pain to return in the morning.

But it was gone, and has not returned.

In the past, before I could distinguish this kind of pain, I sought hands on treatment, which was great.

Once the crisis passed, and after speaking with others with similar experiences, I figured out the nervous system signal was out of proportion to the actual harm.

Nevertheless, my first response to pain is to bear it and hope it will pass.

Often it does.

Now I have another option.

Just take the painkillers.

Sometimes that will be enough to reset nervous system signal.

Also, remember it’s not necessary to wait until you’re in extreme pain to seek hands on healers, 

(Note to self!!)

Even when you’re well, it’s good maintenance to have a hands on treatment now and then.

And it feels like a luxurious indulgence, instead of a critical necessity.

The stakes are lower, or at least different.

Bodywork is a gift in any state of being.

This might be the next daring step after active recovery – assisted regeneration.

Let’s see if after a while I now try something new just for thinking about it…

And of course in the interest of walking my talk!!!

What’s your favourite bodywork treatment?

Is there some modalilty you’ve been wondering about trying?

For those of us focused on getting shit done, and feeling the pressure to be productive, 

these kind of activities too often exist Beyond the to do list, 

Pleasure also requires practice.

I’m here to help you get out of your own way when you’re ready.