There’s something quietly radical about not rushing. About letting your attention unfurl on its own odd timeline. Especially when it’s out of sync with expectations—those spoken and unspoken rules of how to “show up” like a good, capable adult. Maybe you’ve lived long enough with AuDHD to know your rhythm doesn’t match the world’s, or maybe you’re still learning the edges of your natural tempo. Either way, it can feel like a tug-of-war: part of you trying to keep up, part of you longing to let go.
Letting go of “meeting the unrelenting colonial construct of the ablebodied and ableminded” is no small thing. It’s a deep exhale. A kind of soft defiance. It asks us to believe—not just in theory, but in practice—that our unfolding has worth, even when it’s late, nonlinear, unfinished. And that our time, attention, and energy don’t need to match anyone else’s schedule to be valuable.
Recently, a friend of mine was hit hard with flu—she’s still recovering, still foggy. And yet, late at night, she’s been showing up in our quiet group co-working space. Not to push through or prove anything, but because it feels good to be held in low-pressure togetherness. It’s nurturing, not demanding.
And still—there’s guilt. Guilt over messages piling up. Over not replying. Over inboxes growing heavy with unseen things.
In the chat, I typed what I now want to say to you too:
Set yourself a slow standard.
Because moving slowly does not mean you aren’t doing meaningful, excellent work. It just means you’re doing it in a way that honors your body, your timing, your humanity.
Mind: Curiosity
🌱 Let yourself be slow to know.
If your attention feels scattered, it might not be a sign you’re failing—it might be your brain doing its nonlinear sorting. Can you trust the fog? Pause before trying to fix it. Wonder what’s here rather than assume something’s wrong.
Heart: Connection
❤️ Let someone carry you a little.
You don’t have to be the most capable version of yourself every day. It’s okay to let a friend pick up the slack. To not reply to messages. To let your presence be felt in your absence. Tenderness often flows in the gaps we leave.
Body: Creative Experiment
🌀 Try one tiny thing slower.
Pour tea and sit while it steeps. Walk slower to the kitchen. Delay replying. Watch what happens when you do something half-speed. Does your body soften? Do you notice something new?
When a woman dreams
A companion for your own slow unfolding
A short illustrated story—almost a fable
—inviting you into the layered, non-linear world of reflection.
A space where time stretches, softens, and reveals more than one way forward.
If you’re craving a deeper pause,
When a Woman Dreams might meet you there.
[✨ This way✨]
Spark up*
- Becoming the star Individual support and guidance to find true delight, tuning into your deeper slower rhythms. 1:1 embodiment coaching program.
- Navigating life’s glitches: What if not knowing was kind of exciting and inviting, full of potential. Katherine Mackenzie Smith, cozy business mentor, shares her story. Podcast episode
- Recalibrate your life for joy Drop into deep space right where you are, and imagine your most delicious next move. It may surprise you. Audio guide.
🌱 An Invitation to Wonder
✨ When was the last time you felt in sync
—not with the world, but with yourself?
Maybe it was walking at dusk.
Or doing laundry while humming.
Or that moment you let yourself nap without earning it.
Where did your attention land, just because it wanted to?
What rhythm felt like yours?
💌 A note for tender hearts
If your nervous system is saying “no thanks” to everything above, please listen to that. Truly. Without the freedom to say no, we can’t ever feel our real yes.
This space is not a prescription—it’s a buffet. And your body knows best what it’s hungry for.
Maybe you don’t need a list of gentle things to do. Maybe what you need is permission to not do anything. To not catch up. To not respond. To rest and resist and remember your humanity.
But if one idea above stirred something… what could happen if you gave it time?
What might your attention turn toward, if there was no rush?
This Week’s Encouragement
More time means more attention.
More time means more value.
That’s uncomfortable, and deeply true.
Let others help. Let yourself pause. Let rest be resistance.
This is what connection looks like. This is what kindness feels like.
Set yourself a slow standard.
See what becomes possible.
🐢💃✨
AuDHD-friendly Affirmation for sensitive, high-capacity women:
Many women with AuDHD in their lives love to hold space for others, dream big, and dive deep into meaning—even when they’re completely exhausted.
They are conditioned to override their natural pace, mask their needs, and meet expectations that were never designed for their nervous system.
Which undermines our ability to trust our own rhythms, honour our cycles of rest and brilliance, and feel safe enough to show up as we are.
Remember you can move slowly and still do powerful, excellent work. You don’t need to be urgent to be valuable.
I trust you to know when to pause, when to play, and when to create. Even if that knowing whispers instead of shouts.
Inside When a Woman Dreams you’ll find a quiet invitation to return to your own sense of time. A visual fable that honours the slow unfolding of inner truth—and makes space for the possibility that resting is creating.
Notes on working and creating with more time
What could you create if you had time?
Where would your attention turn?
Time > heart construct, literally. Bpm is the counting out of life
Attention > mind things > there is less attention available than time.
Money > body things, holding value. There is more money than time or attention (in the world)
How does this weave into set a slow standard?
More time means more attention is available.
More time means more value. It is uncomfortable to hold for many of us.
Rest is resistance. A single breath. Feeling feet on the ground. Butt in the chair.
Humility of letting others care, cover, carry for you.
Set yourself a slow standard
Time to receive and respond, rather than react. <<<<< creating connection and community
This is kindness.
Give yourself time
You dont’ have to reply immediately
Make space for the days when you’re more than indisposed.
Mentor group members has been very sick at a busy time
Messages piling up
Feeling pressure to reply – as if she were not sick.
This is the pressure to be fit and well – or act as if
Call on crip time
Many folks would rather have a 3 month paid sabbatical than a promotion.
> hmmm exactly what we discovered with KellyQ
For some, living in crip time is a form of disability pride, acknowledging and working within the limitations of their bodies and minds, rather than pushing themselves to the point of exhaustion.
Embracing crip time can create a more inclusive and equitable workplace for disabled individuals, while also benefiting all employees by promoting flexibility and understanding.
As solopreneurs, we are all the things, and leading by example.
We are all the things – from most capable, to most disabled, and needing to make space for all of them.
When we set a slow standard
High masking: >>> failure when this collapses.
success story who is able to “meet the unrelenting colonial construct of the ablebodied and ableminded,” the disabled person who proves that everyone is capable of normative, ableist expectations, that those other people just aren’t trying hard enough.
Remember the last time you got sick and had to take time off work, did you simply take the time you needed to recover, or did you guess how many days you were “allowed” to be sick, as though you can simply stop being ill whenever it is convenient for capitalism?
That disruption of norms, the understanding that industrial capitalism’s focus on “fitness and punctuality,” quoting Alison Kafer again, is an impossible standard to meet, regardless of health, allowed us as a society to recognize the necessity of crip time, even if we didn’t call it that.
Consider, then, cripping time as a way to break from the ablebodied expectations of capitalism, centering instead vulnerability and support for one another. Imagine it as a way not to tolerate the existence of humanity, but to celebrate it—to understand that life is messy and weird and uncertain, but that it is truly worthwhile to put in the effort to involve people despite. Crip time cannot simply be the addition of single-worker accommodations—especially not when we’ve been taught it is shameful or manipulative to use said accommodations—it is, instead, the complete reevaluation of time. Regardless of if you yourself are currently disabled or currently working with “out” disabled people, I urge you to reconsider your understanding of time in the workplace and reckon with the idea that your worth cannot be determined by the schedule on which you operate.
It is worth cripping time, then, not only for the benefit of currently disabled people (as much disabled discourse notes, the abled/nondisabled dichotomy is not as clear a line as you might think), but as an explicit challenge to so-called “professional” standards, which have long since proven themselves outdated and ignorant (think of questions like are tattoos professional and can you be competent at your job with colorful hair as more examples).
, a consideration of flexibility and grace, the understanding that we exist, first and foremost, as people with needs and desires and not as machines for “the apparatus of capitalist production.”
Just link this article. Its a cracker. Thank you Desiree, Ms Adaway
perhaps the idea of you coming before work sounds terrifying
>>>> ie, your work should support you.
Though capitalism sees work as a means to keep a roof over our heads, work itself has merit—there is value in creation and social interaction and the meaning we can make for ourselves.
Which is why she turned up for coworking!!! But then the guilt is artificial. So this is actually a powerful story to share.
Done for now.
I am working harder than capitalism requires?
On the wrong < things?
Work has inherent value.
There is more work than time
And more time than attention
Work>value>money
More unexpected ways to be kind to yourself!
