Hey glorious
Neurodivergent women are curious and caring solution seekers – cure seekers.
Curious, caring and cure are from a similar root meaning “care”
Most words for “cure, heal” in European languages originally applied to the person being treated but now can be used with reference to the disease.
from Medieval Latin curatus “one responsible for the care (of souls)”
from Latin curatus, past participle of curare “to take care of”
(Etymology Online, one of my favourite rabbit holes)
Neurodivergent women are often occupied in caring, healing roles (including parenting and reparenting of self) where the focus is on care of the person, wholing of the person, the body / corpus, or collective, rather than fighting disease as a separate, foreign – and distracting – entity.
This is open ended, open minded caring, inviting in the possibility that illness or pain is an invitation into a bigger, more compassionate life, rather than a flaw or failure that needs fixing/isolation.
There is a longer term goal of integration of the current situation into a wider perspective.
Oppressive external social antagonist to this gentle, curious, open minded approach to life is what I am labelling the “Reasonable Man”
Reasonable because logic has it all figured out.
What problem? There is no problem here because we know how to fix it. Focus is on removing, alienating, othering the pain and difficulty, with surgical precision.
Has figured out – knows – what to do and is doing the correct thing already and always. Flawlessly.
Has common sense. Is skilled in the art of social response and responsibility
A correctly socialised, organised, “reasonable man” person does not make silly mistakes.
Doesn’t laugh at the wrong time or lose/ neglect things.
Knows who to call and what to say in small talk or emergency.
Knows the answers. Fixes things.
Stays calm and in control. Gets it right the first time.
Undermines will to live – to breathe, expand, contract, do things differently.
Because everything is already taken care of, predetermined, inevitable.
There is a right way and a known outcome.
Mistakes are failures, not invitations into growth and connection and learning.
I have made so many small mistakes.
Losing my sister’s new spotted jumper. Laughing at the unexpected moment when my friend slipped and fell.
Why do they matter? Why do they haunt me? What message did i get that small mistakes were not okay
And had to have serious emotional stamping on them to be remembered to avoid in future?
Inappropriate response, irresponsible with other people’s things = bad = shameful person?
A correctly socialised, organised, “reasonable man” person does not make silly mistakes.
Oof.
What I do is invite curiosity and wonder where there is numbness and contraction.
Start with reason to locate the murky void – then lean into imagination and the unexplored, unanticipated.
Because what reason cannot fathom is the absence of reason.
Reason is bound by the known.
It cannot deal with the unknown, the unpredictable – the black swan raised by sharks.
I was inspired with a story about that, after meeting three Muru-kutchi black swans on a morning walk. You can listen below.
With gratitude to the Gubbi Gubbi people, traditional custodians of the stories of the land on which I walk today. With respect to the elders, past and present.
What happened to Muru-kutchi?
So we go to the edge of reason, the end of reason, and then we breathe. Move slowly, play, wonder, feel the way.
Through paradox, koan, mystery and doubt.
Where reason dare not tread.
To return with newfound calm and clarity and lightness that reason alone – the known – could not recognise or deliver.
Care and curiosity go the extra mile
to find a cure for the whole person,
beyond what reason would suggest is necessary or in fact, reasonable, LOL.
Neurodivergent women do too, because they believe in the power of hope and love.
This is the practice I explore with clients inside Freeing the Invisible Woman, my 13 week 1:1 embodiment coaching program, enabling them to consistently choose the path that lights them up with joy.
This is the final week to enrol for August cohort.
Only 8 places available. Learn more here.