This week, right now, I want to quit this outreach thing.

I want to withdraw from trying to engage, trying to figure out what people want and how I can help.

I want things to be easy.

I had an amazing BioCranialSacral Treatment, at the end of which I was resting in the blissful simplicity of being breathed.

It was almost surreal.  Simply alive, breathing, here now.

Content.    Everything was easy.

And then trying to figure out how to return to real life.

Thanking my practitioner, driving back down the highway, making dinner.

Urgh.

Then this afternoon I am working with friends on learning to ask for what we want.

Learning to change the conditioning of going inward when challenged.

It is unbelievably difficult.

And tonight I so want to quit everything and curl up in a ball.

(I will when I send this – actually no, then I’ll do my duolingo Arabic practice)

But I was also reading today about how leadership is about creating structures (or habits) that remain no matter who is leading.

Making integrity scalable.

So here I am writing this newsletter even though it’s the last thing I want to do.

Because I have created a structure, a habit, that is moving me forward, outward, even though the part of me that longs to go inward and disappear is strong right now.

Also because I know that when I want to quit is when some kind of breakthrough is imminent.

Keep calm and carry on.

Urgh.

It’s ok to want to quit.   I can hold that for myself.   

And astonishingly I can see that I can also keep doing the hard thing.

I can allow what I have right now to be enough.

And see where I am at next week.

What i realised in writing these two actions together is that the easy bliss of simply being is not a sustainable state.

But it is a peek of what I could have more of in my life if I learn to ask for what I want and need to make life easier.

No wonder we don’t wish for bliss too often.   On the other side is more hard work.

With purpose perhaps, and intention.

Enough to keep going.

I know I can do hard things.   I have built the habits.

Keep showing up.  Keep paying attention.  Keep being kind.   Keep being real.

And imagine it could be easier.

What could other people do for me?

What do i really want?

So if you feel like quitting something this week.  I see you.  I feel you.

Remember that those moments are the ones before the insights.

Ooof.

That move us onward through whatever comes next.

Me, I have to practice imagining how things could be easy, and then ask for that.

That’s my lucky break for the week.

I have the opportunity and the path before me.

it’s a new path, towards deep embodied ease.

Want to join me?    Your lucky break is waiting.