Radiant Voices interview with Christine O’Leary, Social Skills Australia
This was another one of these great conversations — the kind I like to bottle and share.
And this week, you’ll have to take my word for it… because I forgot to hit record. Oof.
I was chatting with Christine, founder of Social Skills Australia, who now mentors ASD and neurodivergent teens in conversation and friendship skills. Her journey from corporate comms and marketing through motherhood to running her own business felt so fluid from her perspective — like a natural progression.
And maybe it was. In hindsight, these things often seem to line up. But in the moment, stepping into your own business is never guaranteed. It’s brave. Uncertain. Mysterious.
From the outside, it can look inevitable. From the inside, not so much.
That’s the thing about paths less taken: they’re still being made as we walk them.
When You Forget to Hit Record: Lessons from a Conversation That Only Lives in Memory
Where Are You Banging Your Head Against a Wall?
One of my favourite moments from our chat was when Christine described staying in something long past the point of reason, pushing through until the only thing left was blood on the wall.
It hit me in the gut — because haven’t we all done this?
We push through something impossible, convinced this level of effort is normal. Especially if we’ve been living like that for decades. Especially if we’re late-diagnosed neurodivergent, like Chris and me.
When you’re used to masking, internalising, staying cheerful… it gets harder to recognise the cost.
So here’s a question:
Where are you trying to figure something out in your head, when it’s not actually a mental task?
Because it turns out — not everything can be planned, fixed, or solved in advance.
Sometimes our bodies, our cycles, our rhythms already know the easiest way forward.
And sometimes that path isn’t forward at all. Maybe it’s sideways. Maybe it’s a pause.
Maybe the wall is for leaning on.
And maybe — just maybe — every constraint is a hidden invitation.
To rest. To redirect. To create.
Socialising All Day Might Be a Problem
I work in a library. It’s amazing how many teachers walk in, breathe out, and visibly relax the moment they’re surrounded by quiet.
Kids do the same.
Because for many of us — particularly the neurodivergent — socialising isn’t neutral. It’s work.
It takes energy to assess every word, every gesture, for whether it’s appropriate, welcome, or “correct.” Multiply that by eight hours a day, five days a week — no wonder we come home overstimulated, tearful, or totally flat.
Worse still, we might start to believe we enjoy neither working nor socialising. Or can’t even tell the difference.
But what if the issue isn’t the doing, but the context?
When we get to work on things we love, or connect with people who get us — both work and socialising feel completely different.
If we reflect, most of us can remember times when work felt easy and people felt safe.
Even if only for a few golden minutes.
Those moments matter.
They are signposts pointing to what feels like freedom, instead of effort.
Anxiety: The Constant Background Hum
One of the most poignant parts of our conversation came when Christine said:
“Managing unacknowledged anxiety. Always there.”
That hit hard.
Because the things that are “always” there? We rarely notice them until someone else names it. That’s what happened with Chris — one of her kids put words to it, and she recognised it in herself.
But once we say something is always there, we stop noticing when it isn’t.
Lately, I’ve started treating words like “always,” “never,” “everyone,” “no one” as flags. They mark places worth paying attention to.
They can be clues. Energy sources. Volatile, yes — but valuable, if handled with care.
Sometimes anxiety is telling us to move toward safety. Sometimes it’s helping destroy an illusion.
I’ve been thinking about the inner critic, and I wonder if anxiety lives in the same neighbourhood.
What if I could be in relationship with it? Let it work for me, at least some of the time?
Sometimes what I call anxiety is just wild life energy.
And what I call the inner critic is untamed love.
That’s a lot of power, showing up uninvited.
How do I grow my capacity to receive it with kindness and curiosity?
True Freedom is Internally Interesting
Chris said something I’ve never heard before:
True freedom is internally interesting.
I love this.
That I could have an inner space where ideas arise. Where they’re met with appreciation.
Where imagination is welcome, not managed.
Chris is a longtime meditator. Maybe that’s helped her come full circle with monkey mind — to create space with her thoughts, not against them.
Not every thought needs to be believed. Some are useful. Some are just passing through.
But all of them are part of the stream.
And that stream? It can be a source. Of creativity. Of insight. Of deepening relationship with spirit.
I’m genuinely sorry I can’t share the conversation with you directly.
But I hope that spending time with these reflections gives you something of what we shared.
Let me know what lands for you.
And maybe — what you’ve been banging your head against lately.
(Or what you might lean on instead.)
For a Curious Mind: Notice what thoughts and judgments arise as you read about this interview. What else would you like to know?
For a Connected Heart: Notice what feelings follow each other in the silence of Christine’s lost story.
For a Creative Body: Dance it? Walking on Sunshine – Katrina and the Waves
Freedom, friendship and finding your way
What if your most stubborn seasons were also your most sacred?
No mud, no lotus
Christine O’Leary spent years “banging her head against the wall” in corporate comms before finally asking: Is this really my path? Now a neurodivergent mentor teaching social fluency through her business, Social Skills Australia, Christine shares how anxiety, meditation, motherhood, and calling lottery winners (!!) shaped her unconventional journey. This was an honest, hopeful conversation about reordering life around self-care, trusting inner timing, and the quiet freedom of not imposing your unmeditated self on the world.
Glimmers*
Reflection resources to support your embodied transformation story:
- Making peace with your inner critic: What if you could negotiate a win-win deal with that persistent presence? 1:1 coaching package. Special price available now.
- LOVE MOVES US: Can you listen and dance with this? Guided reflection and dance practice to reconnect you with open minded curiosity, in the safety of your own space and time.
- Recalibrate your life for joy: Discover which way freedom lies for you now. Free audio guide.
Invitation to wonder: As you think about Chris’s missing story, I invite you to become aware of the intriguing parallels between her mystery story and yours.
Is there a subtle invitation here for you?
✨ Encouragement for Sensitive Souls:
If your path feels jagged, stop-start, or like it never quite makes sense —
you’re not doing it wrong.
Some journeys aren’t smooth because they’re carving new ground.
You’re not late, or lost, or broken.
You’re just in a story that doesn’t follow the usual arcs.
Keep going the way you go.
That’s where your gold lives.
Affirmation for Brave Women
Many women love to give their best, even when it costs them.
They are conditioned to push through, stay cheerful, and keep performing.
Which undermines our ability to notice when something’s no longer right for us.
Remember you can pause, question, and choose a different way.
I trust you to feel your own rhythm — even when it leads you somewhere unexpected.
Listening to Radiant Voices podcast, you’ll find real stories of transformation that honour the messy, meaningful middle.
Draft Notes on Friendship, freedom and finding your way
- When you’re banging your head against a wall until it’s bloody > is this the path for me?
- Socialise when it suits me, on my terms – rather than socialising all day at work
- Managing unacknowledged anxiety. Always there.
- True freedom is internally interesting > new ideas coming up from inside
So this was another great conversation. And this week you’ll have to take my word for it, because I forgot to click record. Oof.
Chris journey from corporate comms and marketing through motherhood to now mentoring ASD and neurodivergent teens with conversation and friendship skills in her own business, Social Skills Australia, seemed like a natural progression from her perspective. And in hindsight, it does make situational sense.
But that step into your own business is always a brave one, and which way it goes is the great mystery before the moment of truth arrives.
From the other side, i suspect it often feels kind of inevitable, as we look back along our life path and experiences. Looking forward things are not always so clear.
Which is why the step onto the path less taken is always a brave one, even when it works out swimmingly.
Here’s my highlight moments from this chat.
When you’re banging your head against a wall until it’s bloody, perhaps it’s time to ask “Is this really for me?”
This is another one of those 20-20 hindsight things that feels almost laughable – after you’ve moved on.
It’s actually kind of strange how long we might be trying to achieve the impossible without really feeling the pain. Because so often we have been trying really hard with stuff for so long, that we think that level of effort is normal and necessary. This is especially the case for those of us, like Chris and myself, with very late diagnosed ASD and other neurodivergences.
Especially when we internalise the struggle, and keep a cheerful, positive face and attitude.
So the question can become – where are you banging your head against a wall?
Where are you trying to figure stuff out in your head, with your mind, when it’s not actually a mental task.
Coz it turns out that not everything can be figured out perfectly in advance without creating a bloody mess somewhere.
Turns out that very often, our bodies themselves, our cycles and rhythms have something importatnt to contribute regarding the easiest way to move in any situation. Maybe forward, and maybe some other direction makes more sense for you as a whole person right now. Sideways, backwards Maybe simply sit down and lean against the wall for a while. There are often many more approaches available than we initially consider.
Not to mention uses for a wall, or any other obstruction or constraint.
Catalysts of creativity. Invitations to explore alternatives.
But this is not always easy to remember when deep in both habit and pain.
Speaking of which,
socialisation all day in the workplace might be one of those habitual pain points.
The number of teaching staff who come into the library where I work and exhale and their shoulders drop, because there is quiet space around them for a moment. It’s a blessing for many of the children too, for the same reason.
Constant socialising is hard work for many of us. Again, especially those with neurodivergent traits, where words and actions are being constantly assessed for situational appropriateness and social correctness. It’s complicated!!!! Exhausting just thinking about it. Hours a day, five days a week is a lot. No wonder so many children and adults come home on edge, and collapsing into silence, tears or tantrums.
What is worse is that we may learn from this that we enjoy neither working nor socialising. Or perhaps cannot tell the difference. It all feels like a pointless waste of time and effort?
When in fact finding the space to focus and work on what we love,
And to relax and connect with people who we love
Is a game changer.
Makes both work and socialising feel completely different. And way more desirable.
And while many of us are not so fortunate as to have most of our lives filled with constant delight…
If we take a moment to reflect, there are times and places where work has felt easy and effective, and peopling has felt easy and rewarding.
Or if i consider that this is a possibility, a thing that could happen, then I might be more likely to notice when it does. Even for a few golden minutes.
I would suggest that those moments are useful pointers towards what could feel less like bashing head against wall.
Managing unacknowledged anxiety. Always there.
This is another of those bashing head against wall things. Whatever is always there is very difficult to notice. Perhaps until somebody else names it, and i recognise that same thing in me. Oh.
Which is how Chris became aware of this, when one of her children named it in themselves.
And also, once we decide it’s always there, it can be equally difficult to notice when it’s not, or when it shows up differently.
Also, “always” (and/or “never”, “everybody”/ “nobody”) has become flag for me regarding what needs attention.
In reality, it is rarely the case that absolutes are accurate descriptions.
They fill in swathes of background nicely, until we have capacity to pay better attention.
Also, those sweeping statements are also potentially useful sources of energy and focus.
Because what is seemingly always present surely is a resource to be tapped.
Volatile raw materials. If we dare.
Anxiety may be always present, and likely sometimes it is less helpful, less bearable than others.
That texture is information.
Sometimes anxiety might be exactly what is needed to direct me to move toward safety, or to destroy an illusion. (which might be the same thing)
I’ve been thinking about inner critic recently, and I suspect anxiety takes up a similar space.
How can I be in relationship with this state, this entitiy, so that it can work for me at least sometimes? Especially if it is present more often than not.
Get curious.
Sometimes I suspect that what i call anxiety is wild life energy, and what I call inner critic is untamed love.
Love and life both show up often and in unexpected ways.
Increasing my capacity to receive and benefit from both is ongoing work for me.
True freedom is internally interesting > new ideas coming up all the time
I love this statement, which feels fresh and completely novel to me.
Internally interesting.
That i have an internal space where new ideas can appear and be appreciated.
That I create a safe space for my own imagination to flourish in response to the world around me
That i could believe in myself and my internal resources enough to give them space to breathe and be seen.
I know that Christine is a long time meditator.
I wonder if this practice has enabled her to come full circle with monkey mind
So that the space she holds for thoughts and ideas becomes a safe one
For both her and the ideas.
They can regard each other.
And respect each other.
Not every thought needs to be believed.
Some are useful, some are entertaining, some are dark and scary.
And there is a constant stream of them
Another one of those sources, to be harnessed and cultivated with kindness and respect for both self and spirit.
I’m truly sorry that I can’t share the source conversation with you to trigger your own reflections.
I hope I’ve done it some kind of justice here by spending time with my own responses to the highlights.
