Sometimes it can feel like everything will fall apart if we let go of something—whether it’s a role, a habit, or an old way of seeing things. There’s a tug-of-war between holding on for stability and daring to loosen our grip. But what if discernment—choosing to see or do something differently—doesn’t mean making anything wrong? What if it’s about creating space for a new perspective to step in?
Duality doesn’t have to mean conflict. Instead, it can be an invitation to explore, to stay in friendly relationship with more of the things that matter—even when they seem to contradict each other. That dance between this and that, me and not-me, can become a way of feeling your way toward what truly aligns.
Curious Mind: What’s one thing you could allow yourself to see differently today? It doesn’t have to be a big shift—just a nudge toward curiosity. Could this action be simpler than I think? Could this object be more complex?
Connected Heart: Think of a moment when you were able to let go of some responsibility or expectation and found unexpected wisdom or peace. What helped you trust that release?
Creative Body: Experiment with spending a few minutes holding some familiar object in your hands, taking time to sense its weight, texture, and presence. Feel deeper into it than its name and known function. Notice your physiological emotional response to it. And what happens next.
Recalibrate your life for joy
If you’ve ever felt torn between two options or stuck in a struggle,
your key to wisdom may be the secret third way—
the gentle path of curiosity, connection, and creative action.
Ready to explore?
[✨ This way✨]
Spark up*
- One step towards the universe A warm and welcoming meeting place to practice discernment through real time work. Online co-working / parallel play space.
- From stuck to strong; Midlife reinvented You’re allowed to hold more and do more, your way. Lina Arango founder of Second Act Reset, joins me for an energizing interview. Podcast episode
- When a woman dreams Flow through all the things to find contentment in this artist illustrated short story . Free PDF download.
✨ An Invitation to Wonder
Looking back, where have you let go of something you thought you needed to control,
only to discover freedom or wisdom?
What did you learn about yourself?
Dear Sensitive Soul 💛
Please remember, it’s perfectly okay to ignore most of the ideas I’ve shared here.
You are not ‘less than’ for knowing what doesn’t work for you.
Real yeses are discovered in the clarity of real nos.
And if one thing here feels like a gentle, possible yes,
consider trying it on without pressure.
🐢💃✨
Affirmation for discerning Women
“I trust my ability to hold space for both clarity and connection. My wisdom grows when I allow myself to see things from different angles.”
Many women love to explore new perspectives without feeling pressured to choose just one. They dance with possibilities, discovering wisdom in the spaces between.
They are conditioned to believe that peace means avoiding conflict or always choosing harmony.
Which undermines our ability to trust ourselves when we see things differently from others, or when we need to let go of something to find our own clarity.
Remember you can recalibrate without losing yourself. You can explore without committing, choose without rejecting, and wonder without needing a final answer. True connection often grows in the space where differences are explored.
I trust you to follow your own sense of what feels right—even when it’s different from what others expect. Your path is yours to define.
Inside Recalibrate for Joy, you’ll find an invitation to gently explore your choices, a way to reconnect with your own wisdom, and the courage to honor your true yes by embracing your real nos.”
Notes on duality and finding a place for both
Duality – I thou vs I it. Moieties
The notes i did not take are regarding perceiving the other as thou
Intimately, friendly
Rather than it – alien, object, fundamentally different
Thou – in relationship
There is something here that is reflected in the montessori journey of the child
From working with materials (it) guided by caring adult – also possibly it or thou
(oh my goodness, working with materials – the experience i have is internalising the material experience)
That’s a montessori moment right there
To meeting others with a shared internal logic and working together as humans.
I and thou.
And possibly extending that back to things in the end – they have their own existential space/consciousness.
They affect us.
My story of the block in waking up the hands with betty martin.
I can do this now.
Sensory experience is in my body.
The thing is an entity.
I cannot speak about its experience
Only mine.
Perceive it as blue
Hard, cool, disk. Plastic.
And it is an entity with a history i can infer, and some of it is shared because has been in my possession for some years now.
Losing my way here.
Oh, but duality is what facilitates change.
If there is no separation, there is no progress.
Gross generalisations.
But also like letting the poo(p) go.
Discerning the healthy action
Letting go what is not needed
Though it has been part of me, literally.
Although not quite with poo.
Bacteria in my gut are part of the organisation of me.
Dead things need to go.
Dead rice.
Power to make material world change.
Is through duality
Friendship – holding both this and that. Here and there. Now and then.
Can shift between and feel which one is a better fit
Me and not me.
Me and no longer me.
Discernment.
Jesuit discernment
Both options may be good.
But which will bring more joy and alignment.
Thou alive. It not alive? Manufactured > symbol / token?
Quality of engagement.
Dont have to choose
Friends with both.
Visit each as required
Maintain both relationships?
Complementary
Moieties
Take care of what is permitted
Trust others to take care of theirs
Demarcation
Tasks and accountability for all.
Interconnected
Interdependent
Rather than independent
Duality does not have to mean conflict or black white choice
Rather a dance, a complex weaving together of paths
Flow back and forth as needed
Delighted to discover the other
That work is already done
Or that my opinion on the work of another is requested.
Duality root of empathy and connection.
Rather than oneness, where we seek differences to distinguish
Change through friendship and accommodation
Trade
Rather than violent conflict, scarcity, denial, fear.
Easy to talk about hard to do
Can i feel and dance with this too?
What is the material benefit / shift from holding both, in friendship.
Greater range of expression in response to different environments
So split off and hold both
Split off and allow others to take care of some of it
Split off and leave something behind
Split off and engage with the other to get a different perspective.
These pink roses look very similar to the ones in my yard
Thank you Jenny Odell “how to do nothing”
A felt connection
Shared experience
Like the gaura from the Croatian marinas.
Or the orange flowering gum
A visceral recognition
Bodied
A stone is simply itself – yet we make it something else
Animals more
Humans more again before we have given well.
Given attention!
To others!
Kindness > duality.
Holy cow
Kind to self as we arrive in this place we E always been
I think I must buy this book…
Mission is to arrive here
And attend to others
Identity is distributed
Meet ourself in others
Human and non human
The black painting that is itself, not a picture
What a wonderful book this is
Rightly popular
And I know this rose because I even drew it, over weeks.
Art, back to roots
Esther and seeing differently
Linnaeus lends Nanabozho his magnifying glass so he can see the tiny floral parts. Nanabozho gives Linnaeus a song so he can see their spirits. And neither of them are lonely”
iNaturalist – learn names as first respect
“This is water – David wallace
But if you’ve really learned how to think, how to pay attention, then you will know you have other options. It will actually be within your power to experience a crowded, loud, slow consumer-hell-type situation as not only meaningful but sacred, on fire with the same force that lit the stars – compassion, love, the sub-surface unity of all things.
Principles of psychology William James
Though the spontaneous drift of thoughts is all the other way, the attention must be kept strained on that one object until at last it grows, so as to maintain itself before the mind with ease. This strain of attention is the fundamental act of will
Voluntate, studio, disciplina
Will, desire, training
It is through these three that we occupy the third space, and more important, how we stay there. In a situation that would have us answer yes or no (on its terms) it takes work and will to keep answering something else.
Build a character quite at variance with natural disposition
More on the power in duality
Reclaiming your joy: a Mother’s Day reflection for complex Mothers
Dualilty without Drama – Wise Women hold both
