Shame is a trap. A sticky, paralysing, sneaky little trick that makes you feel like you can’t move forward, because if you were really good enough, you wouldn’t have messed up in the first place. It tells you that you need to hide, disappear, or shrink before you even think about trying again. But here’s the thing: shame is the illusion. Not you. Not your worth. Not your ability to get up and take the next step.
It’s not about denying mistakes or pretending failure doesn’t hurt. But shame? Shame keeps you frozen. And sometimes, that freeze is a survival strategy—it buys time, it holds you safe. But when you’re ready for more capacity, the way out isn’t through fixing yourself; it’s through choosing—over and over—to refuse shame’s premise. To say no to the belief that you are inherently lacking. Instead, you meet yourself with honesty and patience, breath by breath. This is a practice, not a one-time revelation. It’s the slow, steady work of replacing shame with shameless self-trust.
A Curious Mind: Notice the Shame Script
When you catch yourself spiraling into “I’m not good enough” territory, pause. Ask: Who benefits from me believing this? If the answer isn’t you, let’s reconsider that narrative.
A Connected Heart: Safe People, Safe Mirrors
Find the people who don’t flinch at your messiness. The ones who see your effort, not just your outcomes. Start small—one conversation, one brave truth, one person who holds space without rushing to fix you.
A Creative Body: Microdose Kindness
If traditional self-care routines feel impossible, try weaving new movements into what already exists. Like stretching while waiting for the kettle to boil. Breathing deep in doorways. A tiny rebellion against self-neglect, integrated into your days. Shame dissolves through small, embodied proof that you deserve care.
AuDHD-friendly LOVE MOVES US
not through force, but through gentle inquiry, inviting growth where shame once held us still.
What if, instead of fixing yourself, you simply met yourself with curiosity and care?.
[✨ Learn more✨]
Spark up*
- Rest, reflect, rewire retreat Choosing rest and self care directly counteracts the whisper of shame and not enoughness. Early bird pricing available now.
- Wild Mandala AuDHDventure Get out of your head and into direct engagement with the abiding wisdom of the living world around you.
🌟 A Moment to Notice
Right now, in this moment, do you feel like you are holding more shame or curiosity?
No judgment—just notice.
If it’s more shame, what if you put some down, even for a minute?
What happens?
(I’d love to hear—what does more self-trust feel like for you?)
No Pressure, Just Possibility
Listen.
You don’t have to do anything with this.
You are not a self-improvement project.
It is entirely valid to read this, nod, and go about your day exactly as you were.
Because real ‘yeses’ only exist where real ‘nos’ are allowed.
But if something here sparks a wondering in you, follow that.
No urgency.
Just an open door.
AuDHD-friendly affirmation for wandering women
Many women with AuDHD in their lives love experimenting with new things and new ways.
They are conditioned to be efficient and effective, not wasting a moment
Which undermines our ability to pause and smell the roses or the shit.
Remember you can make space in business as usual to check in with yourself and the world, to notice how things could be different.
I trust you to make any venture off the beaten path a gateway to an outcome you can’t imagine from here.
Inside AuDHD LOVE MOVES US you’ll be met with a burst of heart uplifting affirmation and curiosity. Because you are both ready and becoming. What would be possible from there?
Notes on empathy for shame and acedia - not caring
Empathy for shame
This is challenging, until we realise that shame is the illusion.
Failure & shame related.
Guilt is actionable
Shame requires a mental shift
A refusal
Saying no to shame is the core work of self belief
Because – no matter what – you are enough, redeemable, worthy of life, attention, energy – love!
Often we choose shame – I’m not good enough
Because it is an out for acting
It enables freezing
And that is an ok choice too
Until you need more capacity
Then convert shame to shameless
And start on the work of making good
Assuaging guilt
Also much less onerous than it seems on paper
Mostly in my experience
People want to act to create equity
For themselves and others
Shame gets in the way
It’s a binary choice there
Base/spirit.
God/sin
Which do you choose?
Come from the place of I am good enough
It’s a discipline, a practice
Yes, even this I will hold about myself
Meet with love and curiosity
Love mostly looks like patience and honesty
Little byittle
The spirit is revealed
As capacity grows
It’s a dynamic growth process
Not sure how much stretching alone helps
Like the physio video
Integrate that self kindness into your days
Microdose
Ongoing
I’m not good at setting aside 30 minutes to do specific stretched
But I can integrate new ways of moving into where I already move
Same principle with exorcising shame
Breath by breath
Conversation
Relationship
Ask the question
Find the trustworthy people
In Acedia and its discontents: metaphysical boredom in an empire of desire – R J Snell.
– to exist is to act, and as humans, action is complex – mistakes and failures are inevitable. Here lies grace.
Much of life is also routine, where mistakes could be more avoidable / visible as malicious.
Unless that is intelligent experimentation, out of the ordinary, where mistakes are intelligent.
Hmmm shame / acedia = refusing to care.
Acedia
Acedia (/əˈsiːdiə/; also accidie or accedie /ˈæksɪdi/, from Latin acēdia, and this from Greek ἀκηδία, “negligence”, ἀ- “lack of” -κηδία “care”) has been variously defined as a state of listlessness or torpor, of not caring or not being concerned with one’s position or condition in the world. In ancient Greece, akēdía literally meant an inert state without pain or care.[1] Early Christian monks used the term to define a spiritual state of listlessness and from there the term developed a markedly Christian moral tone.[2] In modern times, it has been taken up by literary figures and connected to depression.
state of restlessness, of not living in the present and seeing the future as overwhelming is more accurate a definition than straight laziness
can invade any vocation where the labor is long, the rewards slow to appear, such as scientific research, long term marriages, etc. Another sign is a lack of caring, of being unfeeling about things, whether that be your appearance, hygiene, your relationships, your community’s welfare, the world’s welfare, etc.; all of this, Norris relates, is connected to the hopelessness and vague unease that arises from having too many choices, lacking true commitment, of being “a slave from within” < ouch!!!!!
Dante’s Divine Comedy not only as a sin to be punished in the damned ,but also as the sin that leads Dante to the edge of Hell to begin with
Acedia is essentially a flight from the divine that leads to not even caring that one does not care
Aquinas’s teaching on acedia in Q. 35 contrasts with his prior teaching on charity’s gifted “spiritual joy”, to which acedia is directly opposed, and which he explores in Q. 28 of the Secunda Secundae. As Aquinas says, “One opposite is known through the other, as darkness through light. Hence also what evil is must be known from the nature of good.”[13]
Collaboration begins with empathy
other posts in this seasonal series.
Envy, merit & the myth of earning worth – competition can create artificial isolation
Feeling with, not fixing – sitting in companionable uncertainty creates space for connection
I don wanna (and other hidden invitations) – welcoming resistance allows energy shift and equitable redistribution
Shame is the lie. Let’s act like it.
– refusing the lie of shame and failure makes something challenging possible.
Also, my about page
Where i try to explain where I’m coming from with this collective, collaborative idea.
