For a long time, I thought my achievements were mine alone. Good grades, fitness, career progress—I had worked for them, hadn’t I? But the humbling and uplifting experience of raising children has shown me how much of life is a team effort. Support is everywhere, whether we notice and appreciate it or not. The people around us, the systems we exist within, the resources we have (or don’t)—all of it shapes what’s possible.
But the myth of merit—this idea that success is purely about hard work and talent—separates us. It breeds envy and resentment, making us feel like we’re in competition rather than connection. When we believe our worth is something to earn, we lose sight of the simple truth: we are already part of a web of mutual care, and we thrive when we let ourselves belong to it.
For a Curious Mind: Notice when you feel like you need to prove yourself. Who or what are you trying to earn space from? What happens when you let curiosity replace competition?
For a Connected Heart: Reach out to someone without an agenda. No networking, no proving, no “value add”—just a moment of genuine connection.
For a Creative Body: Experiment with movement that isn’t about progress. Stretch, wiggle, dance, or rest. Let your body experience itself as worthy without needing to accomplish something.
Freeing the Invisible Woman
This is a space to explore what AuDHD-friendly support could look like for you, with no pressure and no expectations.
If you’re curious about the clarity available through empathetic human connection, I invite you to schedule a zero-obligation call
[✨ Book here✨]
Spark up*
- When a woman dreams For the moments when you wish your life was different. Artist illustrated fable of collaborative exploration and discovery
- Shall we make a Podcast? conversations between real women exploring the question “If you had a podcast, what would you talk about?”
A Moment to Notice: When you feel envy or resentment creeping in, pause.
What is it pointing to?
Is there a longing underneath?
What would change if you trusted that there is enough—enough success, enough care, enough space—for you too?
What would you dare to ask for?
Encouragement for Sensitive Souls:
If none of these ideas resonate, that’s completely okay.
The last thing you need is another checklist of things to do “right.”
The point isn’t to fix anything—it’s to notice, to wonder, to stay open to what feels true for you.
Real belonging starts with real ‘no’s.
If you let yourself say no to what doesn’t fit, you’ll begin to feel the shape of your true yes.
You don’t have to earn your place.
You’re already welcome.
AuDHD-friendly affirmation for sensitive women
Many women with AuDHD react to circumstances
They are conditioned to group think
This undermines our ability to feel
Remember you can choose your action
I trust you to find what you need.
Freeing the Invisible Woman
Where envy showed up for me this week
This week I attended a senior school parent information evening at my youngest child’s school.
There was a panel of star graduates speaking about their experiences.
I noticed myself feeling very edgy about the whole experience, which led to my unfiltered journaling reflections below
Envy & jealousy
Want what they’ve got – forgiving, attentive audience, support and encouragement network, set up to succeed, talent and desire/discipline, capacity for hard work, showing up for training.
So I have access to most of that,
Weakest link for me is support and encouragement network
Plus set up to succeed – belief that it’s possible.
Myth of merit
Belief that I have something to add
They deserve it
They have talent and work hard
Confidence. Blind confidence.
Feeling cynical, critical, nitpicky.
Owning that as envy.
Hiding my own hard work and discipline for shame,because I am not getting the accolades
I believed the wrong thing?
Critical audience / indulgent audience
Lucky
Privilege
AND everybody has something to offer.
Envy and jealousy.
Oof
Myth of merit.
When I’m believing that my talent plus my hard work is enough to lift me
Then I may be consumed by envy at others success
And jealousy of my own efforts.
Truth is, the field is far from level.
When i was younger, i thought i’d achieved things myself – good grades, health, fitness, etc.
With a lot of painful parenting experience now, i understand that we achieve very little alone.
People, resources, the environment itself around us makes our lives possible
Moshpit support – crowd surfers safe because horizontal support of crowd density
Who am i? Where am i?
Everything is a network, a system. Organic and inorganic.
Our thoughts are intertwined with physiological state, which is intertwined with energetic and physical environment.
Why do we imagine we are alone in success? Or any other state.
To stay sane, as usual.
Not be lost in the crowd, define myself as not that.
Healthy
Until its not.
Everything is more complex than it appears at first glance.
A blank wall, despair itself, the universe.
Has texture, when recalibrate to see it.
There is support available for you now to begin again.
Merit implies healthy competition. Which does exist and is necessary, but not sufficient.
Also need luck, and kindness and grace.
Luck’s not even a good word.
Curiosity, openness, opportunity, ability and willingness to try things and fail.
And sometimes succeed and be surprised and delighted.
Emotional range –
Ability and willingness to trust and to lose and to keep going
And be grateful.
Proceed from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.
Success and luck < same same but different?
This too will pass.
Gratitude for people around you.
We’re all in this together.
Appreciation and connection with people around you.
We long to give generously where we can.
Because we are so limited in what we can do.
Myth of merit breeds envy and jealousy.
How would you feel without it?
Open connection and communication
Complex energy flow of information and emotion between beings.
Trust that what is needed and available is present.
More than the sum of the parts.
The space between is what connects us
Because we need to communicate across that space, those differences.
and to be supported across all of it – by a range of people as well.
Not to expect one person to handle all of me.
That is an unreasonable expectation.
Responsibility to develop a support network that matches my range
Over time, as I become aware of my needs.
That looks like a gem to explore next week.
Collaboration begins with empathy
other posts in this seasonal series.
Envy, merit & the myth of earning worth – competition can create artificial isolation
Feeling with, not fixing – sitting in companionable uncertainty creates space for connection
I don wanna (and other hidden invitations) – welcoming resistance allows energy shift and equitable redistribution
Shame is the lie. Let’s act like it.
– refusing the lie of shame and failure makes something challenging possible.
Until then, have a look at my about page
Where i try to explain where I’m coming from with this collective, collaborative idea.
