Your No is welcome and invited

No more

Written by Rachael Skyring

Rachael Skyring is a curious woman. AuDHD (very late diagnosed). Committed carer. Over thinker. Sensitive feeler. Stubborn AF. With postgraduate degrees in Astrophysics and Rocket Science, she's spent the last twenty years as mostly a Mum, the last ten honing her metaphysical quantum brain surgery skills through mindful movement and embodiment practices. Whoever you want to be, and wherever you want to go, Rachael can start you on your way. The sky's the limit. Let's begin!

31 January 2025

We talk a lot about saying yes—embracing opportunity, leaning in, going for it. But what about no? No has its own kind of power. It creates space, defines boundaries, and shapes what remains. Some no’s feel like relief, an easy exhale as something heavy drops away. Others bring clarity, showing us the roots of old struggles. And then there are the hard no’s—the ones that sting, that sit in our chests with the weight of disappointment or fear. Each kind of no tells us something about ourselves. Each one matters.

I’ve been experimenting with no lately. No to social media in ways that weren’t serving me—an unexpected relief. No to mindless sugar, revealing what I was really hungry for. No to an audition for a world music choir, a tough one, but necessary in that moment. Each no has been a recalibration, an anchor point for something new. And in that, I see how no is not an ending. It’s a pivot. A way to move differently, more lightly.

Curious Mind: The Wisdom of No

Next time you hesitate over a decision, pause and ask yourself: What kind of no is this? A no of relief? Of deep knowing? Of resistance? Understanding the shape of your no can turn it from a wall into a doorway.

Connected Heart: No is a Kindness

Saying no is not just about limits—it’s an act of self-respect. A kind no acknowledges your real capacity and invites trust. When you honor your own boundaries, it becomes easier to respect the boundaries of others, without fear or resentment.

Creative Body: Move with Your No

Notice what your body does when you say no. Do you tense up? Collapse inward? Stand taller? Experiment with embodying your no in different ways—through movement, breath, or even voice. No doesn’t have to mean silence; it can be a shape, a stance, a song waiting for the right time.

Recalibrate for AuDHD-friendly joy

 your gentle guide to finding clarity by tuning into your inner yes and no. This free audio invites you to pause, feel into what’s truly nourishing, and release what’s not—so you can move forward with more ease, alignment, and joy.

Ready to make space for what really matters?

[✨ Listen now✨]

Spark up*

A Moment to Notice

What have you said an unexpected no to recently? What did it reveal? No can feel like loss, but it can also be liberation. Let yourself sit with the wisdom in it.

Encouragement for Sensitive Souls

Your no is not a failure. It’s a signal, an opening, a boundary drawn with care.

You don’t have to justify it or make it palatable for others.

Trust your timing.

Trust your unfolding.

There is no rush to push past a no before you’re ready.

Let it be what it is.

And if you’re curious, let yourself wonder—without pressure—what might come next.

AuDHD-friendly affirmation for reluctant women

Many Women with AuDHD have developed a strong sense of what they’d prefer not to do, through painful experience.

As women, We are conditioned to be enthusiastic doers, jumping in spontaneously to help, to support, to show up for others, even and especially when it’s an uncomfortable stretch for ourselves.

Which undermines our ability to say no, because we believe people are depending on our availability.

Remember that your no is a doorway to your true, sustainable availability.

I trust your ability to tune into what you’ve had enough of.   Sometimes it’s less clear what could more fulfillingly occupy that space, even temporarily.  

Recalibrating your life for AuDHD joy will help to bring you that clarity, and start heading you toward what deeply delights you.

Notes on things I've said no to recently

No to meta social media > scary at first,

But since then, i’ve had more time and it feels better.

I can acknowledge i’ve not done a great job with social media

There’s probably a better way

I was using it as a visual diary for myself, which is useful

But i don’t have to put that on a public server

The moon calendar i am using in canva will actually work just as well.

And i can be less self conscious about it

Put other people in it.  For personal use only.

When i first was thinking about not using any more i could feel stress drop away that i did not know i was holding.

 

No to sugar and mindless eating

This was interesting, that i had the presence of mind to ask

What do i want this food to do for me?

And discovered i was really asking too much

And being disappointed

So shifted my relationship with food.  In process…. But let’s assume its been coming for a while

Food is to sate hunger.   Actual food hunger.

Which has made me think about what i’m really hungry for, desirous of.

I use sugar for my brain say.   For a lift.

In the hope that it will bring me something, 

I could spend more time getting clear on this.

Oh, i want to let go of worrying, let things be ok.

I was avoiding feelings of boredom.   Deep boredom.  >   despair, that life will be nothing but work, that everything is foreseeable, and there’s nothing good coming.

Where is the magic, the mystery, the pleasant surprises

Understimulation.

I did spend a day or so after that feeling miserable, hopeless.

Which i do not enjoy, but have also learned passes.

But this lead on to the third thing

 

No to joining a local world music choir audition.

This is unfortunate, but on the day, it was more than i could face.

I was delighted to have been invited to join.

But i was emotional, tearful, very low energy when it needed to happen.

And i could have gone on and showed up for that.

But at this time, i decided not.

Even though i know it would be good for me on many levels.

Have to trust that i didn’t quite have the capacity.

I was not ready to show up in tears already.

Because although i need a choir for my voice, ‘i’m not there yet.

And when i’m tense, i default to silence.

And possibly muteness.

Sometimes i can’t speak

There were too many unknowns with this one

For me to show up with my weakest ability.

I have very little confidence or capacity in my singing voice.

I understand that the way to build capacity is through doing.

And in this instance, the unknowns were real.

I know i can show up and dance when i’m in tears.

I do not know about showing up and singing.

So that might become a project for this year.

Even that i need to find a better base level.

I was dealing with a few confronting realisations.

New moon, new year….

Seeing the truth.

Not always comfortable.

Not ready to sing no matter what.

But that does sound like a great project for this year.

Singing is an unknown quality for me.

I could not face risking failure from a low point.

 

So three nos.

One i had not really considered until i took a break and noticed how much clearer i felt.

One i’ve been thinking about for a while and not known how to come at.

One that was a pointer for where I can find some new ways to explore and grow.

 

I can listen and dance no matter what.

I need more experience with vocalising.

And that’s a truth.

 

Also got more time at the moment, and more clarity, from the first two no’s 

Hmmmm

Got a couple of chronic health related projects i’m also working through

Which is confronting for me, i think of myself as pretty healthy,

But this one slipped through.

 

Anxiety as oxygen hunger > sometimes breathing is not enough?

Something about belief holding tension…

Plan for reality.   

Dream, but plan steady growth, based on known practice, not requiring step functions.  That is unkind.  To everybody.

 

Three kinds of no  – head, heart, body????

– easy because i felt in control.   Took a break.  Could go back…  in a different capacity.  Low roi

– interesting because i found an approach that was meaningful to me to a problem i’d been struggling with long term and a moment to apply it.

– hard because i wanted to go, but did not trust my own capacity to perform appropriately, or at all at the time.

 

Something here about enjoying the moment, and the full stillness at the end of that (summer) season.

Time to move on again is coming.

These no’s help to point me in new directions.

And also give me the courage to move on.

The strength to say a clear no is the ground on which to pivot and move again.

What can you drop, to go onward more lightly????

 

What have you said an unexpected no to recently?   What was revealed?

 

Your no is welcome and invited

Other posts in this season of consent

The weeks from December Solstice to February Cross Quarter are a time for stillness and enjoying the moment. 

My posts have underlying theme of consent and boundaries – to facilitate stillness and enjoyment.

 The crossover point from duality to consent was the idea of the radical centre, my edge is the centre of a balanced relationship.

Hope lies beyond the instructions, the rules – crossing (habitual) boundaries

Owning your experience – choice is about consent, but to choose, you have to know what you feel, and how you feel about what you feel.

Joyful resistance – pause to notice the boundary, to discover what consent negotiation is needed

Reaching out from happiness – approaching others, grounded in your space, expecting them to have boundaries, falling back to happiness 

The audacity of contentment – commitment to staying with fullness, knowing your limits and respecting them, drawing strength from them.    Whatever they are, it’s a copy problem.  Ie, reframe thinking.

Your no is welcome and invited – from feeling comfortable with my own boundaries and limits, i am less threatened by the limits of others.  Don’t take them personally.

 

Next season, begin again, the theme is shifting to empathy.   Got to have it for self first, and know limits and capacity.

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