Discover the freedom in not always following the script.
Ever feel like following the rules doesn’t guarantee safety—or success? For AuDHD women, life often involves decoding both written instructions and unspoken power dynamics—a complex dance that can feel like you’re never quite getting it “right.” Understanding the unspoken rules, interpreting power in the room, and choosing when to follow instructions (and when to go rogue) can feel like walking a tightrope.
The stakes? Protecting your integrity and well-being while staying curious enough to learn and grow.
That’s a lot to navigate, especially when we didn’t even get the full rulebook to begin with.
But here’s the twist: sometimes, the most constructive thing you can do is let go of both winning and following the rules perfectly. Instead, curiosity becomes your guide. It invites you to experiment, to wonder, to explore the secret third space where neither success nor failure defines you.
Of course, stepping into that space means accepting the possibility of discomfort. When you subvert rules or power dynamics, the outcomes aren’t always tidy. Mistakes, misunderstandings, or even consequences might arise. But the reward? The freedom to learn, grow, and create something uniquely yours. So, what does it mean to take that step—to embrace discovery and balanced risk with curiosity as your compass? Let’s explore.
Curious Mind: What if bending the rules wasn’t about gaining an advantage, but simply about bending them—to see what happens? Pick one area where you’ve always felt compelled to play by the book. Maybe it’s a game, a recipe, or even how you approach a daily routine. This time, knowingly tweak the rules. Change the order of steps, ignore a restriction, or combine methods that don’t usually go together. If someone notices and questions you, be ready to own it: “I wanted to see what would happen.” Notice how it feels to step into this space of playful curiosity, without the weight of “winning” or “doing it right.”
Connected Heart: What if navigating relationships wasn’t about balancing power perfectly, but about staying curious? Pause and reflect on one connection where you’ve been following an unspoken script. What happens if you rewrite a small line of it? Maybe you suggest something unexpected or express a thought you’d normally hold back. Approach this shift not as a strategy to win approval but as an experiment in showing up authentically. This isn’t about discarding the dynamics but about expanding them, adding depth and nuance. How does it feel to gently nudge at those dynamics? Curiosity can be a bridge to connection, even when the outcome isn’t fully in your control.
Creative Body: What if your body became a playground for curiosity? Choose a structured activity—like drawing, cooking, or moving through a yoga sequence. This time, deliberately go off-script. Stir spices at random, add ingredients without measuring, or create a doodle that makes no sense. Feel the aliveness of experimenting just for the sake of it. Let go of the need to create something perfect or “useful” and notice where your instincts lead you. This isn’t about rejecting the structure but about discovering what’s possible beyond it—expanding the range of what you can create.
This week’s spotlight
Imagination is enough to begin.
“When a (neurodivergent) woman dreams”
follows a whimsical escape with its ups and downs and ultimate resolution that is not attainable without the messy middle. Perhaps it will open up a fresh perspective on your current situation, wherever you find yourself now, and whatever desires you have for the coming year.
In other news:
- Wild mandala AuDHD-venture guides you on a holiday wander, slowing to down to really engage with what is happening around and within you, offering clarity on what’s important right now, as the new year approaches.
- Rest, Reflect, Rewire Retreat first draft details here. Please ask questions about anything that is not clear – you’ll be helping make the invitation more accessible to others
- Blog continues below
- Affirmation for constructive nonconformist neurodivergent women
- My reflections on Spirograph adventure
- Anchored Stream of consciousness
A Moment to Notice: When have you stepped off the beaten path—not to rebel, but to explore? Recall a time when curiosity nudged you to take a small risk or try something unexpected. How did it shift your perspective or change your understanding of what was possible? How did it add to your knowledge or reshape what you thought you knew?
Engagement Question: What’s one way you’d like to lean into curiosity this week? Hit reply and let me know—I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Encouragement for Sensitive Souls: Stepping beyond the instructions isn’t about being reckless or proving anything. It’s about choosing curiosity over certainty and letting yourself explore without attachment to the outcome. This isn’t about making the rules wrong; it’s about growing something new—a constructive nonconformism that adds to your experience and understanding. You don’t have to have a plan or even a clear goal. What if all you did today was wonder: “What happens if I try this?” That’s enough.
No rush, no pressure to be fixed. Just follow the wondering, knowing it’s safe to return to the familiar if you need to. Your courage to explore—and your willingness to stay curious—are gifts in themselves.
Affirmation for constructive nonconfirmists
Many AuDHD women are constructive non-conformist thinkers.
They are conditioned by continuous critical feedback to play rigidly by the rules so as to not upset anyone except themselves.
Undermining our ability to enjoy thinking outside the box – ie wishing and dreaming.
Remember that it’s healthy to be curious and think creatively. You don’t have to believe or action everything you think. And you don’t have to share it all either.
It’s enough to begin by imagining an experience that appeals to you. That can be sufficient to create space for real meaningful action.
When a neurodivergent woman dreams
Artist illustrated 48page PDF
So this week I treated myself to a couple of little Christmas gifts. Second, summer reading The Juggernaut with a one month subscription. Highly recommended window into a South Asian way of seeing the world.
Before that, a base model Spirograph kit – inspired by a friend who bought them for grandchildren. I had a kit as a child and remember it well. Some level of frustration with it. Still fascinated.
I opened it immediately and had a go. Then looked at the instructions. There are lots explaining how to draw some pretty, complicated patterns. I remembered following these as a child – i don’t think they’ve changed much in 45 years… I was not excited by them. But there was also an example of all the patterns that one wheel would draw using all the dots. This I was interested in. Do all the things in the range, then see the ones that are useful for something else. This seems to be where I’m at now. So I did that. Reached the end of the options. Now what.
The feeling that there has to be more somehow, but I’m not seeing it.
Looking at the instructions again, I see that it is also possible to use the wheels on the outside of the ring. Ok. And also to use the ring around a wheel. Hmmm. These are more intriguing options, that I think i have not explored.
Finally, with all this help, I realise the other possibility is to use all the wheels around each other. This is not mentioned anywhere in the quick start guide. Not in the pictures anyway. LOL. I still haven’t actually read the text completely. I really just wanted to have a go.
So it turns out, unsurprisingly, that the most attractive patterns are created with the wheels inside the ring.
And in writing that, I realise that I have not completely explored all the options, or figured out the simple gearing ratio arithmetic for each pattern.
I dont know if i will get to either of those. Although it is possible, in the summer daze – especially as i return to showing up for One Step Toward the Universe each week. That is exactly what that parallel play / coworking time is intended for – exploring some of the open tabs that can easily not be attended to in regularly scheduled life.
But the big lesson for me here was that I was able to stay curious enough to move beyond the quick start instructions. To notice options that were not suggested.
I have a feeling that these will not be the most appealing options. But I imagine that if i worked through the variations systematically that would reveal some predictable relationships between the gear numbers. Some of them could look pretty. Many of them probably less so.
The takeaway for me here is the curiosity that has arisen from reflection. I can see more possibilities for exploration and learning and revealing patterns and relationships beyond what has been explained.
This Spirograph exploration would be somewhat academic. But the theory I think is applicable more generally.
The idea that there are more possibilities, options, patterns and relationships to explore than what is explained in standard rules and quick start guides.
And in some situations, what is necessary to discover is something workable with resources at hand, that creates a new outcome, and further interest, rather than putting stuff back in the box and on the shelf and thinking its possibilities are complete because of a glance at the instructions.
Sometimes, it’s helpful to be willing to explore all the options, beyond what is already explained.
Wishing you leisurely time to explore as the new year begins.
Anchored stream of consciousness poem
OOREI form made up by slam poet Beau Sia
So i failed to nail what i wanted to speak to, as usual… but that emerges in small pieces. Probably the fudge did not help. Urgh. wandering mind. I love you.
Which instructions is the critical thing for managing outcomes.
Power sensitivity.
Reading power in the room
Which power! Lol
The variables are endless.
Iterate consequence learn grow
Become fearless,
One step at a time.
Beyond the instructions
how i became a neurovivergent woman
English is a living language
Behaviour is an invisible feature
That cannot be captured in a still image
Although the still image
May capture the awkwardness
Lol right now i am not playing by the rules
Coz i should make a response
To the chorus, the anchor
Instead of going off on a tangent
Beyond the instructions
So i’ll begin by showing you
Because you’ll remember
Tell me and i will forget
Show me and i will remember
Let me do it myself and i will understand
Words to live by from my father
Show me and i will remember
Make them remember
People remember me
Because i show them
Beyond the instructions
So what were the instructions again
Lol. i’ve already forgotten
Perhaps i never knew
Didn’t get the rule book
Didn’t like the rules
Oh that’s more like it
Is outside the box
Can only think and play there
Nobody proper takes you seriously
Oh, so that’s a clever trick
Beyond the instructions
I noticed when i was trying hard
To draw the spirograph pictures
Like in the instructions
That it was not especially fun or engaging
But the suggestion to do everything
And see how it changed
So i could understand the relationship
Of the picture and the wheel and the ring
Was much more satisfying for me.
But then i got to the end of that too.
Beyond the instructions
So i went back to the instructions
And then i realised there was more
More possibilities that were suggested
But not named in the quick start guide
What about wheels and wheels
Too many combinations to discuss
In a quickstart guide.
So better say nothing at all.
And in that gap is an invitation to discovery
It’s not rocket science. Lol
Beyond the instructions
As a child i stayed well inside the boundaries
Because i could.
Also because i could sense
The lack of structure and support beyond
I’m writing four line responses.
That’s not in the rules.
Anyway, this form is made up
And the form is a living form
I was given no guidance
For navigating unknown territory
Beyond the instructions
Is that how that works?
Or was that my own blindness
Or conditioning to perfection
And irresponsibility ie powerlessness
Layers and layers of associations
With a single concept
Here is the alethiometer
In real time written form
Back to the guide now
And that’s the secret
Beyond the instructions
Is habitable if possible to return to the known
And the consequences be bearable.
To become civilised and acceptable
And then to stray and be rejected
Doing more than requested
To be sure of acceptance
Ironically has the opposite effect
Over time we are exhausted AND unwanted
That hurts and is confusing
And angry. Thank you for your service
Beyond the instructions
The beginning of consent.
That’s what i thought
And i can feel it now.
Go slow and check in
Small excursions to begin
Low stakes, mistakes.
A world of mystery and risk awaits
But if you know who you are
When you know what role you’re playing
The risk is the thrill
Beyond the instructions
Taking advantage of
Over servicing
People pleasing
Disruption
Not a problem, just a place
With consequences for being there
Legacy instructions
Or alive in this moment
There is an eternal, habitual known now
And there is a fresh, distinguishable now
Beyond the instructions
Know the difference
Between what is yours
Of received wisdom
And hard won personal experience
Are the variables
Requiring situational awareness
Is creativity, expiration, discovery
Misuse, abuse, harm
Stay in touch with as much reality
And experience as you can process
Beyond the instructions
Accountability waits on your return
Oh which is why we keep running
There’s a lot of fast talking
To explain why i strayed
Is also a place for apology
Not all lessons are fun
A range of possibilities await
Plus karma is inescapable
You need to know what you are doing
And why. And let it be joyful in the moment.
Initial ChatGPT prompt:
Hey Chattie. This week I would like you to Transform the anchored stream of consciousness poem into a relatable everyday embodiment encouragement blog post/email for late diagnosed AuDHD women. Use my friendly, slightly awkward tone of voice. Open with a reflection about Needing an awareness of power dynamics to go beyond the instructions without risking harm to self or others.
Then add one suggestion for curious mind, one for connected heart and one for creative body. Outline one moment to notice. with an engagement question. Close with balanced encouragement for sensitive readers, inviting them to stay open to following wondering, without feeling pressured to be fixed.
Published output: Hope lives beyond the instructions
